KATHRYN McB. 2011

I left NYC and relocated to LA only 9 months after the towers fell. What happened that day certainly didn't drive my decision, but I'd be lying if I said it weren't a factor. I spent a lot of time after September 11th thinking about all of the people who had lived to tell their story because they'd decided to do something slightly different that day. Maybe they slept through their alarm clock and were running late, or they barely missed a train as it pulled out of the station before they could run onto it. I thought about that all the time... probably to the point of obsession. Should I take this train, or wait for the next one? Should I get on the train at Carroll Street, or walk up to Bergen? I dawdled this morning and changed my clothes a few times...Maybe that would make a difference in whether or not I made it home that night.

So when an opportunity to relocate out of NY presented itself, we took it. Not that the same scenarios couldn't occur out here (which freeway should I take? what if there's traffic?), but it just seemed different enough to break the cycle of second-guessing myself all the time. Matt got into graduate school in Los Angeles and I transferred with my company to take on a new role managing people. But before we left, Matt and I got engaged on the ice at Rockefeller Center that Christmas. When I look at the pictures of that day, I'm reminded about September 11th by the American flags that are flying above the rink... normally, flags from all around the world surround the rink.

Since then, we got married and welcomed our two little ladies into the world. Ava (now 3.5) and Maren (6 months). I knew back in 2001 that I wanted to be a mother, so that's not new. I even knew back in 1991. I surely didn't know how much I could love two little beings. Or that I would have a constant source of worry in my life, or that I could ever be so busy. We're still in LA, and likely will be for a while. 10 years from now, though, we'll have a 9th grader and a 6th grader... and maybe even another one not too far behind. My hope is that I will have done a great job raising my family and being a partner to my husband. If my family is together and thriving, that would be my greatest accomplishment.

On September 10th, we'll be together with friends during the day for a play date with our kids, and that evening we have plans to go to a friend's place to open a couple great bottles of wine and relax. I'll be with Matt that night, just as I was on September 10, 2001.

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To read Kathryn's thoughts from 2002, click here.