Photo credit: Me. From my roof.
I still can't believe that what is pictured here
I saw in real time, with my own eyes.
Moments after this picture was taken Tower 2 collapsed.
TUESDAY, SEPT 11th, 2001
Dear All,
It's noon on Sept 11.
Sam and I are fine.
I was on my way to vote when I saw the WTC was on fire. I came home.
We are here together and thinking of all of you. The phone lines are flooded, but strangely, AOL is coming through! Email if you can -- we'll check this account later.
We hope you are all well.
Much Love,
Jamie
WEDNESDAY, SEPT 12th, 2001
Dear All,
Thank you to all of those who have responded to my email from yesterday. I am glad so many of you are safe and sound and have the opportunity to hold your loved ones closer today. Many of you posed questions that I'd like to answer now. I'm sorry for the impersonal response -- in some ways I just need to get as much information to as many of you as I can, in other ways, I just need to vent.
Yesterday I was on my way to vote sometime between the first crash and the second. There were a group of people on my street corner looking up -- I thought there was a cat stuck in a tree -- honestly, this was my first thought. It became apparent as I saw people crying that it was more serious than that. Someone said, "that's the world trade center." I moved a little among the crowd so I could see what they were looking at. I was confused. I saw smoke and fire and shiny debris. I tried to call Sam on my cell but I couldn't get service. I started to walk home and then something overcame me, fear, or reality, and I took off running. When I got home he was already on the phone with my mom. I am so glad I was able to speak to her and my dad before the phones got clogged for the day. I am so glad that neither Sam nor I had left for work. I can't imagine being separated from him or my phone, computer, and tv. Many of my friends in the city were in that situation: teaching 8th graders in Harlem, attending meetings on 14th street, coming out of the subway in the vicinity of the WTC only to be hit with smoke and debris, trying to find loved ones and get back to brooklyn.
The rest of the day, in some ways, flew by. We sat in-front of the tv and attempted, by phone and email to get in touch with our loved ones. We have located and spoken to many of you.
Here are some important facts that some of you have asked about or may not know:
--We live in Brooklyn: part of New York City, but not Manhattan (Manhattan is a separate island surrounded by rivers)
--"as the crow flies" I think our apartment is between 2 and 3 miles from the World Trade Center which is located at the southern tip of Manhattan towards the West Side. We are off of the south-eastern tip of the island across the East River. This may seem close, but it doesn't feel that way. Ash and debris fell all day long, the air smelled like soot, but it is nowhere near the scope of the pictures you have seen on TV of "ground zero."
--We both work in Manhattan, though above 42nd Street. Our offices have not been involved in this tragedy.
--Some of you have asked about looting in Brooklyn. I HAVE SEEN NONE OF THIS AND HEARD NO REPORTS TO THIS FACT. Both my brother in SF and my friend in Australia have called or written about these reports. We have not heard them locally. Last night around mid-night the police chief of NYC said there were no reports of looting. Sam and I walked around the neighborhood yesterday afternoon and it was STRANGE, but calm.
In closing, I just want to say thank you to those who were concerned and called, emailed, or got in touch with my parents. I am ok. I hope you and your loved ones are as well. I can only imagine as the dust settles that we will all know someone personally affected or be personally affected ourselves. I imagine we can only continue to reach out to each other to try to make sense of this. I'm not sure how we will do that. It pains me to be so far away from the people I hold dearly. If you haven't had a chance to check in, please do. There are many of you I haven't heard from yet. The phone lines are still pretty crowded, but I haven't had trouble getting on-line.
I wish there were something more profound I could say. I am not sure I completely understand what is going on. I'm not sure any of us do.
Much love to you and yours,
Jamie
THURSDAY, SEPT 13th, 2001
day one.
we joked yesterday that it was "day zero." that tuesday had been "negative one" and that yesterday started our new lives, collectively and individually. Quantitative and qualitative standards have been reinvented. What is "a lot," what is "few," what is "safe," what is "normal?"
it is thursday, "day one." sam and i have stayed home from work today though both of our offices are open.
wednesday was harder than tuesday.
we spent wednesday with our friends harvey and allison {these are not their real names}. on Tuesday morning, just before 9am, they had each, separately, come out of train stations 3 blocks from the WTC. they each, separately, saw the commotion and tried to make sense of it. harvey looked up to see the second plane slam into the second building 3 blocks from where he stood hundreds of feet above him. that was the first of four times that morning that he thought he was going to die. they each, separately, tried to get to a safe place, tried to find each other. they did find each other and stood together on the 18th floor of harvey’s office building 6 blocks from the world trade and watched as each tower collapsed. the earth went black, a wall of smoke rushed towards them and again they thought they were going to die. they did not die. they walked home to brooklyn across the manhattan bridge with thousands of other somber, quiet, but ALIVE new yorkers.
we spent wednesday with them. they needed to get out of their house, they needed company. we talked, ate, watched the news, read the papers. sam and harvey played basketball on the neighborhood court with a stranger. allison and i went for a walk and took care of some errands. i thought yesterday was a good day. by dinner time we needed a REAL meal and exposure to people other than ourselves. we went to an Argentinean steak house around the corner from our house. i've wanted to go there for a year but i always thought it was too expensive. last night seemed like an appropriate night to indulge. we were loud, boisterous: we split a bottle of wine and toasted to friendship and life and america. we needed the release and we were thankful for it. towards the end of the meal, at a moment of loud laughter and hugs, i counted, out loud, as 8 dump trucks and bulldozers drove slowly down my street on the way to the scene to pull rubble. it was a sobering moment.
we left the restaurant and walked around the neighborhood that we love so much. sam and i haven't left this neighborhood since the explosions. we looked for a bar that was louder than the restaurant -- we wanted to continue our celebration of life. we stopped by the yoga center where allison and i study and where we met a year ago. our teacher is a fire fighter in brooklyn. he is okay -- he is there pulling out rubble. we were relieved to hear that. we will go back tonight for a healing ceremony -- we will then go to our friend erica's birthday party. she is 25 today.
i started this by saying that yesterday was harder than tuesday. I guess that's a mis-statement. last NIGHT was harder than tuesday. this MORNING is harder than tuesday. sam and i have argued and made up. we have laughed and celebrated and cried. but in some ways, I have given up. i can't FEEL this. tuesday i went to my roof to see the burning buildings, later i went to a park to see the billow of smoke and the gaping hole in our skyline. i am sorry to say, i still don't believe it. strangely, what has made me most aware of the situation are the calls we have gotten from sam's family in israel. such a role reversal, THEM worrying about US -- in some ways that makes it real. that is the only thing, the knowledge that kerry in chile and erica in australia and michael in england are reaching out to us. sam and i feel guilty fielding calls and emails from those of you who are concerned for us. we appreciate them, but we don't feel deserving. we know that when you are 200 or 500 or 2000 miles away it must sound like 3-miles is SO close. but to me, 3-blocks is close, 3 miles is a world away.
thank you all for your support, i guess i need it more than i know. know that we are safe and we are together taking care of each other. we take turns being strong and being weak. we hope to leave the city for a bit this weekend, just see some other landscape.
i'm sorry if any of you feel this was inappropriate. i'm sorry if this was hard for any of you to read. mom, especially, i am sorry -- i know you don't like to see me hurt. but for those of you who are so far away, i hope that this can help you come to terms. my thoughts are with everyone everywhere who is still holding their breath as the names and numbers begin to come out. my thoughts are with everyone everywhere who have already suffered the loss. my thoughts are with everyone everywhere as we have all been affected[or is effected? mom? :) see, even in crises, i still can't spell! it’s so reassuring to know some things are exactly the same!]
we will be okay.
love,
jamie
FRIDAY, SEPT 14th, 2001
dear all,
a shorter note today.
sam and i are at work -- we will go to his parent's house in the suburbs for the night.
yesterday was ok until 7pm when we found out that harvey is missing a cousin. a true tribute to dysfunctional families: he talked to his grandmother on Tuesday who told him everyone was fine. as it turns out, the family is "protecting" his grandmother and no one from that side of his family got to him until 6pm last night to tell him that his cousin was un-accounted for. please, please hold your loved ones close.
at 8 last night sam, our friend david and i attended a healing circle at my yoga center. it was comforting to see faces of acquaintances, people i see weekly but whose names i don't know, and chant with them. i will now try to learn their names. i should have done so before.
after the healing circle we went to sit with harvey and allison.
i slept soundly and straight through the night last night. sam and I commuted into the city together. we will continue to heal.
love and peace to all,
Jamie
SUNDAY, SEPT 23rd, 2001
It has been over a week since I have written. A long week. Much has changed.
I am riding the subway again. I am even riding one of the lines that is still open under the WTC. I'm sure it doesn't go directly under there, but it goes very close. The "Chambers Street/World Trade Center" stop is still closed, but the A train goes through it, slowly, respectfully, but it doesn't stop or open its doors.
The air is easier to breath in Brooklyn, though all over this city, at any given moment, the wind can change direction and you can smell it all again.
Finally, last night I went below 42nd Street. For those of you who don't know, I live in Brooklyn which is southeast of Manhattan. For work, I take the train (and am therefore under ground) to 42nd Street. I have stuck to this routine, not coming above ground anywhere south of work, until last night:
Sam performs every Saturday night in an improv group on 23rd Street. I work the door, and the sound and the lights. Last night was his first night back, and mine too. After the show we had a drink with my friend Lauren who was visiting from DC, then Sam and I walked south, to 14th street where the makeshift memorial/peace vigil is. You may have seen it on the news; I don't know what coverage outside of New York has been like.
I felt empty. I felt as if I were there only to be able to say, years from now, that I was there. I think a lot of people may feel the same way, and in some ways, I think that's ok. I also think that if I lost someone, I wouldn't be at Union Square Park. And I think that's ok, too.
Sam and I walked south from Union Square to 1st Avenue and Houston Street. That's as far south as I have gone above ground in Manhattan, 20 blocks north of the World Trade Center.
People here are edgy. As my aunt put it, we are on a heighten state of "startle." As people normalize at different rates people's feelings are hurt more easily. Also, we now discuss politics in public, something we hadn't done for about a week. It's very, very hard not to hurt feelings, not to get your feelings hurt.
I have stayed away from politics in these emails. I don't believe I have to agree with someone's politics to be their friend and therefore I am wary of saying what I need to say next. I know my politics are different than many of you, but I do need to say it. Please know, if you don't agree with me, I understand; please know if you don't agree with me, I would still like to be your friend.
War is not the answer: we accomplish nothing by bombing the Afghani people who are oppressed by the same people who are now trying to oppress us.
Extra airport security is not the answer: if people are willing to die for their cause, we can do little to stop them.
Hatred, Prejudice and Ignorance caused this and will continue it, if we respond with such.
I don't know what the answer is, but in my heart I believe it is love and education and communication. When I see pictures of children on the West Bank dancing in celebration of the loss of life, I am reminded that hatred is NOT born, but TAUGHT. The answer is in the education.
I hope I have not offended anyone. I can already hear my father chastising my "childish" beliefs that war can and should be avoided. And my thoughts are with the men and woman who have been called to service and the many more that I presume will be in the future. We live in a changed world.
I will leave you all with this: On Friday morning I rode the A train with a Dallas Fire and Rescue man. I saw his shirt and his hat and his bag and I knew I wanted to speak to him, but what to say? Many of you will be impressed by, quite possibly, my first experience of speechlessness. I did speak to him. I offered him a seat. I helped him find his way to the police station where he was meeting up with the rest of his crew. I cried and thanked him and wished him well. It was hardly enough. Friday was his first of 10 days here, in the rubble. He didn't know what he was in for, as I write this on Sunday afternoon, I'm sure he still can't comprehend it. Tomorrow, after work, I will go to the police station and leave a package for Allan. I hope he will receive it.
Wednesday I will fly to Pittsburgh. I am not scared. I am so excited to see my family and participate in the wedding of my friend of many years, Patty. I am excited to celebrate a happy, special moment.
I wish you all well in your various towns and cities all over the world. Hug your fireman, Hug your friends, Hug your family. Please be safe.
Love,
Jamie
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