SAM S. 2011

Ten years later, much has changed for me. I am now married with a dynamo of a 2-year-old daughter. I own a house and have a job that I love and at which I excel. Strange though it sounds, these did not seem to be tangibly achievable things back in 2001. Whenever I am required to think back on that time, what I am first and foremost reminded of is how unhappy and unsettled I was and how poorly I knew myself. I have a very different view of myself now. Then, I don't think I liked myself all that much. This spawned much of the unhappiness with my working life, my hopes for the future --however flimsy they were-- and the dark, brooding nature with which I carried myself. Truly, I can't imagine it was all that bad, but in retrospect it certainly seems so.

On the evening of September 10th, 2001, I attended an event for my wife Jamie's work. It was a party kicking off the new theater season. She had just begun working at the theater company, and at the time I was plodding away at a graphic design job I disliked. What I remember most was the weather that evening. It was hot, muggy and eventually stormy. The subway ride into Brooklyn was lurching and steamy. I remember feeling extra-uncomfortable in my clothes. I often felt that way then. I probably got pretty drunk at the party and was sleeping it off, planning to trudge in late to work the next morning, which was also a regular occurrence.

This year on September 10th, I'll likely be spending time with new friends we've made since moving back to the Northeast after spending 3 years in the Los Angeles area. It's important to mention this because I no longer live in New York City. I never imagined leaving New York, especially not in September of 2001, nor immediately afterward. I remember thinking ill thoughts of those who left following the turmoil.

Now I live in Lancaster, PA, a small city with a strong agricultural contingent. Very different from New York. I love where I live, though ten years ago I could never have conceived of living outside of New York happily. Yet I managed to put that mode of thinking aside and move on. As I write this, I have the same impulse about the events and aftermath of Sept 11, 2001. Much will be made of this upcoming ten-year anniversary. I want little to do with it. I want to move on.

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To read Sam's thoughts from 2003, click here.