KATHY S. 2011

Today is September 10, 2011. It is six o’clock in the morning, a time which rarely finds me awake, let alone at my computer. But Jamie has asked for an update for The Before Project with the question “Where are you right now?” I suppose she means “in life.”

I am seventy-one and now have the luxury of sleeping as late as I wish because I no longer have anyone else to be responsible for. My life is easy and filled with simple pleasures : reading books of poetry - sorting through old photographs recalling my very busy years as mother to four precious children, now grown and busy with their own families - walks and talks with dear friends - rereading old letters from my parents written in a time before emails and hurried texts - driving in my car, still listening to Barry Manilow, Billy Joel and Harry Chapin - friends dropping by to say hello - strolling through my little town of Aspinwall where people still sit on porches and wave hello - picking up the phone and hearing the voice of my child or little grandchild - or better yet, visits from those little cherubs.

But now as the time for me to relax has arrived, I observe just how busy the lives of my children have become, juggling their careers, children, pets, homes, family obligations, exercise, social life. There is little time for them to kick back and read poetry, even if they wanted to - which they don’t! Now it’s easier for me to fit into their schedules than vice versa so I find myself traveling often to their four points on the globe, usually by car but occasionally by plane. My daughter’s move to Honolulu quickly eliminated my “shall I drive or fly” dilemma!

Which brings me back to September 10th and how my life has changed in the ten years since 9/10/01. When I go to an airport I still long for the old days, but now find myself wishing my kids could escort ME to the gate instead of having to get hurried hugs from them and little wet kisses from the grandchildren curbside. I still feel a little uneasy as I glance at my fellow passengers, wondering…… I realize I now live with an undercurrent of anxiety. Sadly, since 9/11, I wake up every morning and after uttering a few prayers, instead of listening to birds or to the rhythm of the street, I immediately turn on the television to listen and see if anything horrible has happened while I slept. The sad part now is that the answer to that question is always yes. With two senseless wars continuing in a different time zone, something horrible is always happening all through my peaceful night. Will that ever change?

Please, God, let us find peace and let it begin with me. In my remaining years may I bring a smile to whomever I meet and may I have the courage, like the heroes of 9/11 - both those who died and those who helped - to reach out to others in need, no matter how uncomfortable the situation. Allow that to be the lesson I learned from September 11, 2001.

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To read Kathy's thoughts from 2003, click here.